Dear Zoe, Julian and Chris:
I guess the 10th anniversary of Dad’s death got me thinking about finality. Then this morning on page 32 of the Sydney Morning Herald I read a frightening article about the spiralling cost of funerals and the whole death business (and it is very big business!). So just for the hell of it, I checked online and was pleased to see that perfectly adequate cardboard coffins are now available at very reasonable prices.
Zoe and Julian, you may remember we asked about that option at the Tewantin funeral home we chose to organise Dad's cremation. The woman who dealt with us there (Remember how she strove to be friendly but elegant at the same time? And how surprised she seemed that we kept sharing little laughs at bits of the interview that we found amusing - or figured Dad would find funny?) - she told us that a cardboard casket would be hideously more expensive than the options she had available! Good to know that things have improved since then.
Zoe, then I thought about all the wonderful ways you could decorate either of the above using your expertise on the Cricut printer: flowers, native plants, messages from everyone etc. etc. (I can see a real market there for you in the future, dear, if you decide to ditch the AsPro job*.) Not to mention Brandon's skill in 3D printing. Endless possibilities there for enhancements. And I’m sure Nancy would contribute a garland of her fabulous paper beads to jazz things up (assuming she lasts longer than me and hasn’t gone la-la by then!)
I can't imagine a more appropriate image to grace the cover of my box than the drawing Charlie made of me 4 or 5 years ago.
Just keep all of this in mind because I’d be extremely disappointed if you guys went out and spent thousands of your inheritance on my funeral. (That's assuming there is anything left by the time I shuffle off!) I would much prefer you spent it on a big party to get together all who wanted to help decorate my box – while I waited in the fridge somewhere to be laid inside for the fireworks (maybe wrapped up in the patchwork quilt of my mother’s, which I now use as a bedspread! Just a suggestion!)
That SMH article says you mightn’t even have to use a funeral parlor! Some states allow you to keep the body at home for up to 5 days! I don’t suppose I’d fit into your downstairs fridge, but if I did the smell couldn’t be much worse than the fishing bait Brandon keeps in there.
Oh, and you’re also allowed to transport a body around yourself if you so desire – though maybe you'll have a new car by then and that wouldn’t appeal. I could suggest the Cruiser has carried worse loads. But OK. I'll agree you should fork out for commercial refrigeration and a hearse.
Your loving Mama,
Chartreuse
PS:
'funeral' breakfast on the Noosa River.
2 comments:
The Man and I pre-arranged and paid for our own Funerals well in advance so as not to burden anyone with expenses. He comes from a Culture different than mine, my people tend to Celebrate Death and not Fear it so much. So, Mum went Coffin Shopping with me instead of him and we had so many Laughs. I got the gaudiest Gypsified Coffin I could find, it's White and Grey with Roses and a huge Virgin of Guadalupe, it should make everyone Smile at the Wake... and tell Stories about how over the top my Life was too. *winks* The Man asked me what we'd chosen for him and I says, "An Oak Coffin with Eagles"... well, he looks at his paperwork and says, "Honey, it's a Bronze Coffin with Seagulls" and we laughed all over again... close... they are still Birds... right? *LOL*
That’s priceless - and no less than I’d expect from someone with your obvious flair.
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